Beginning next week, most school districts in Connecticut will be lifting mask wearing mandates for students and staff in school. This will be the first time in nearly two years that kids attend in-person schooling without a requirement to wear masks. A major development for reasons in which I will begin to explore here in my first blog entry. Please know that I am making a conscious effort to stay away from any of the political ramifications associated with mask wearing. I instead will focus solely on the perspective of the K-5 child, and what it has been like for them to wear masks in school, as well as what we can expect as a result of no longer needing to wear masks.
For most, if not all kids, this has not been easy. But what I’ve noticed, both with my own two children, their friends, and my students, is how well they have adapted to being required to wear masks. In fact, they have adapted so well that not having to wear masks is likely going to bring about a whole new adjustment period. Granted, with the option of wearing masks, some parents of children (and staff) will opt to continue wearing them. But most won’t, and that may not be as seamless of a transition as one may initially think. I say this because many kids have grown increasingly reliant on masks as a mechanism of self-protection. I’m not referring to the medical science involved in prevention of viral transmission, rather, the psychological aspects of perceived protection against potential physical harm coming their way.
In my newly published book, Help from the Principal’s Office, I write in extensive detail about how more than anything, kids want and need to feel physically safe in the world. This multiyear pandemic has shaken the confidence of many kids’ belief that they are unequivocally safe. As difficult as that notion may be for us as parents and educators to reconcile, it’s important that we factor this dynamic into our approach with our children, especially those who’ve been adversely impacted. Your child may be one of the fortunate ones who has not been adversely impacted. If that is the case, then great news. You can disregard what I am saying here. But I would argue that you and your child are much closer to the exception than the norm.
This pandemic has instilled a sense of fear in most of us adults. How could it not, given the horrific death tolls and endless stories of tragedy? As I delve into within my book, our kids follow our lead. Not just in the way in which we carry out our actions, but the manner in which we emotionally respond to the circumstances of our lives. With a keen eye, our sons and daughters take their cues from us. Now, if you are thinking to yourself, My child is too young to pick up on what I am thinking or feeling, so he/she can’t possibly be impacted by my internal experience, I would respectfully urge you to reconsider. Kids can be incredibly perceptive to our emotional states and they feed off of us. I am mentioning this to promote awareness of how impacted our kids have been; particularly when it comes to COVID precautions.
When school begins next week here in Connecticut, I think it will be fascinating, in districts that lifted the mandate, to see how students do or don’t react to this significant change in their lives. While two years may not constitute a large percentage of our adult lives, two years is certainly a substantial percentage of the life of an 8-year-old (25%). To put in context, this percentage would equate to the last ten years of life for a 40-year-old. I am 42-years-old. In thinking in terms of the magnitude of what this change will feel like for my 8-year-old daughter, I would need to imagine myself having needed to wear a mask since my late twenties. That is a LONG time, and it probably feels just as long of a time for my third grade daughter. Fortunately, kids are resilient. Over and over again I have been inspired by just how much adversity children are capable of overcoming. I have the utmost confidence that our kids will continue to persevere as this next phase of the pandemic is ushered upon us. Even so, they will continue to need our support and proactive emotional encouragement.
Our children will follow our lead, for better or for worse. It is therefore in their best interest that we model calm and confidence as the ways in which we are impacted by the pandemic continue to evolve. That should always be the starting point, whether the situation involves masks, our political landscape, or another topic of great magnitude. Importantly, as I explore in Help from the Principal’s Office, kids often experience contradictory emotions simultaneously. When looking through the lens of the impending mask mandate being lifted, don’t be surprised if your child is both excited and nervous at the same time. In fact, I would venture to guess that such a complex emotional reaction to this change will be common. And that is okay, because we too as adults are complex beings with opposing emotions attempting to take hold of our psyches. You may be wondering to yourself, What can I do to help my child deal with these complex feelings? I’m happy to say that the answer to that question is “plenty”.
First and foremost, consider letting your son or daughter know, explicitly, that it is normal and expected for them to be both excited and nervous, happy and afraid, relieved and worried. Both ends of the emotional spectrum can coexist together. The key is for your child not to perceive themselves as flawed, or that something is wrong with them for feeling such a way. I believe that the pandemic, being experienced by young children, is forcing them to emotionally mature at a quicker pace than they otherwise would. The good news is, they will benefit from this accelerated maturity later in life during their preadolescent and adolescent years. If you are interested in learning more about how overcoming adversity early in life will help your son or daughter persevere when the stakes are raised later in life, I dedicated a portion of my book to this very topic. As parents, educators, and caregivers, it is critically important that we not only avoid invalidating our kids’ psychological responses to stressors; we are tasked with making a concerted effort to validate their internal experiences.
Once kids can relax in the knowingness that they are physically safe, they can relax emotionally as well. From that place, they can thrive academically, socially, and in other areas of their lives. If you choose to have your child continue to wear a mask in school despite the new option, that is fine too. If this is the stance you wish to take, I would just encourage you to be ready to have the conversation about why you have made this decision. Be as honest as you can, with consideration of your child’s developmental level and capacity for understanding complicated situations. The common thread is this, regardless of whether you choose to continue having your son or daughter wear a mask once it is optional: Kids need to feel physically safe in school. The content of the words we say, the actions we do or don’t take, and the emotional sentiment we convey combine to form the overarching message we send to our kids. If you are nervous about your child returning to school without the mask mandate in place, that does not mean he or she is doomed to inherit and exhibit your nervousness. It just means that you may want to exert a bit of extra care in speaking with your child about why this change has taken place, and reassure them that school staff members are taking the necessary measures to keep all students safe in school.
There is one last point I want to make here. Please, give yourself permission to not have the “perfect” answer to all of the questions posed by your son or daughter. As I discuss at length in Help from the Principal’s Office , we as parents cannot save our kids from 100% of their emotional distress. However, we can help to alleviate their worry and fear by instilling our unconditional regard for them on an ongoing basis. And that is a task that you are not only up for, but one in which you can excel at.
I hope you found this first blog entry of mine helpful. Please let me know your thoughts on my Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn pages. Also, if you have suggestions for future blog entry topics, please share them with me so that I can maximize my ability to help you.